So it has been an entire year now since I have made the decision to fully commit to live for my future husband, in everything I do. I can't say how much joy I find in living for something that will be sure and permanent in the future, rather than settling for something less by carelessly flinging myself out to this and that person here and there, wherever I meet someone that might make a nice match. God has changed my heart on this matter, and that is the only reason why I can live this type of lifestyle without it seeming like a "heavy yoke". Anything but burdensome…if nothing else, I've never felt more free before. I am free to discover who God has designed me as a person, use my season of singleness to serve Him with everything, and simply live a life that I think would make my future spouse appreciative. Not only all this, but I can also use all this time before a marriage to seek how God desires me to raise a family.
So many people, when I tell them that I truly desire to keep my pre-marital relationship pure until the day that we kiss at the wedding altar, give me a wrinkled, confused, and even slightly pitied face. "How are you even supposed to know what you want in a marriage if you don't try different types of personalities out, you know…decide what you want in a guy?" The answer is simple: because that would be focusing on what I want…not what my man wanted. Maybe this is the reason why the divorce rate is skyrocketing within this society. When someone finds out a relationship deteriorates, the answer as to why it ended usually goes like this: "Well, I just felt like the relationship lost its spark. He/She didn't make me feel the way I used to in the beginning. Besides, I've got to see what else I'm going to need in my marriage!" The focus is TOTALLY on self…the needs/wants were not satisfied on a certain person. Why do so many people cheat on their spouses these days? For the exact same reason. Marriages are completely DESTROYED because someone within that marriage is not being satisfied by the other. Their focus is not on how they could love one another, but rather how the other could love them to the best of their ability. I feel that the same thing goes hand in hand with the dating society today, and it truly fascinates me…I was even a part of it!
But surely God didn't design heartbreak. Surely I wasn't wired to careless throw my heart out into the "traffic of flirtation…just hoping it doesn't break when when it's destroyed by the impact of an accident". No, I really don't think it has to be that way for anyone, at all. Hands down. I think I was made for someone out there in the world right now…someone who is breathing, alive for our Lord Jesus Christ, and (hopefully) living for me too right now, just like I have decided to live for him. How do I know when he has walked into my life? Simple… "Do not arouse of awaken love until it so desires" -Song of Songs 3:5. It means emotionally falling asleep to whatever temptations I might have in the present tense. By giving up my emotions to God, I trust that He will protect me, guide me, and speak to me whenever His perfect timing is ready to fall into a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage. I think of it like this.
Imagine we are all magnets. We were meant to attract to another magnet, but once bound, there's no turning back, the two are heavier together (though stabler), and it makes it harder to move around freely. When we are magnets that are constantly repelling opposite magnets (us constantly opposing temporary relationship dilemmas), then how much easier will it be to know who the right person will be whenever we try to resist the inevitable force of attraction, but it simply is impossible? Then it will be clear to me that relationship might have marital potential.
There is sure to be some definitely painful loneliness on the path until finding him, and I have no doubts of that. I am prepared to face times where I will feel totally on my own, and even quite isolated from the rest of everyone else who seems to be happy with someone else in their lives, and I don't. None-the-less, those times can be used to lean on the faithfulness of God more than I ever have before, making sure that He is the ONLY one who will be able to make me complete. Only when I'm made complete in the bloody love of Christ will I ever be ready to pursue a romantic human love, because love is a sacrifice that I have to learn to live. I'm still waiting for him. If the Lord be willing that I marry, then I will trust Him with whom He has created to fit me with. The last thing I want to do is start trying to find him by myself, picking this and that out from each person and figuring out what I want for myself in a relationship. Rather on the contrary, how can I be submitting myself to God's will in order to be the best I possibly can for my prince charming? Love is simply an action, nothing more than a sacrifice for the ones we love. And I will choose to love my husband with my life, because I can and because Christ has given me the freedom to do so.
-Taylor
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